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The world is changing and with it, our ideas on what it means to be a man are being redefined. The concept of masculinity has become incredibly diverse, to everyone’s benefit, but adjusting to these new ideas and ways of life can be challenging.
DanUp calls upon the men of South Africa to step up and give new meaning to what it is to be a man, and vows that DanUp will support them as they strive to create a fresh narrative on masculinity.
DanUp Talks, hosted by Tbose on Kaya FM every Monday morning from 10 February 2020 until 4 May 2020, sought to provide a platform where listeners and speakers could discuss, heal, and progress in positive ways. The show offered solutions and tools to evolve, be empowered, and finally break down traditional mindsets and internal conflicts surrounding how men view themselves within their communities, families, and the society at large.
The aim was to spark engaging conversation amongst listeners surrounding the weekly topics and, for this reason, online engagement and commentary was key to the success of this movement.
MODERN-DAY FATHERHOOD
We’ve seen a shift in the role fathers play in the household. How do we show emotional vulnerability while still being pillars of strength for those we love?
We discussed the difference between simply living in the same home as your children and being an engaged presence; how to juggle family time with work, and how modern-day fathers are evolving beyond the way they were raised. T-Bose and his guest, Bongani Luvalo, also gave valuable advice on how to be open to receiving criticism and feedback, and how to keep communication channels open with your children.
Youth activist and entrepreneur, Bongani Luvalo shared the following advice with T-Bose and listeners:
1. Communicate openly and honestly with the mother of your child, to share how you can both best parent your child, whether you are separated or together.
2. Be present in your child’s life. As a father, you should always have your child’s best interest at heart. Give them the opportunity to grow up without feeling guilty, or uncertain of your love for them.
3. Enjoy and embrace the journey of fatherhood by being emotionally and physically involved as a friend first, then as a father.
4. Find a parenting guide or coach to learn from, especially if you didn’t experience a loving father-child relationship: someone who you can turn to for advice when you are unsure or frustrated by the difficult parts of this journey.
5. Create memories, traditions and a dynamic with your children – these are the things that shape the relationship and lay a foundation for the future.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/813644
THE MODERN DAY GENTLEMAN
Marriage and relationships require incredible dedication. How can we step up in our relationships and give our partners the very best of us?
From being a good listener, to supporting your partner in their career, we unpacked the many qualities that are embodied by the modern gentleman. T-Bose and his guest, Scotty Wang, delved deeper on the topic of what we know a gentleman to be, and how this construct needs to change to suit modern times and accommodate gender equality.
Author and creative entrepreneur Scotty Wang left us with the following thoughts:
1. Modern gents should not be afraid to explore their masculinity.
2. The only way to learn self-control is through self-love and self-awareness. This is the only way we will learn, for ourselves, what ‘manhood’ truly means.
3. Chivalry is not an action, it’s a set of behaviours. Behaviours are guided by values and principles. Men need to find common values and principles that we all share and agree upon, and by doing this, we allow the modern definition of ‘manhood’ to progress in society.
4. Modern manhood should be determined by quality of character, rather than physical growth. Character and maturity are not necessarily determined by age, and therefore ‘manhood’ is not exclusive to men of a certain age.
5. You don’t have to be a superhero, just be a gent. It’s okay to be human.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/828010
SELF-CARE AND MENTAL HEALTH
Does prioritising our mental health mean sacrificing our masculinity? T-Bose and guests weigh in on the taboo surrounding men being emotionally vulnerable and open.
During this show, we discussed the reasons why men don’t go to therapy, and how therapy can really assist with healing trauma and normalising vulnerability.
Clinical psychologist Anele Siswana was a guest on the show and helped to dispel some myths that some may believe about therapy, he shared the following thoughts with the listeners:
1. After a traumatic experience, it’s incredibly important that you visit a medical doctor or psychiatrist to help you deal with the psychological response.
2. Talk to someone you trust about what happened, whether it’s a professional psychologist who can help you understand the psychology of your trauma, or just a loved one that you feel comfortable opening up to.
3. Gain information and learn about the symptoms of PTSD, why we avoid confronting it, and the influence of thoughts and fears.
4. If the trauma is ongoing, get some help to make yourself physically and mentally safe. You may need some help finding a safe place to stay until you feel more stable again.
5. Give yourself time. Know that the way you are feeling is not permanent, and by dealing with the fears and thoughts you are experiencing, you will heal in time. Be kind to yourself.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/821124
LET'S TALK ABOUT THERAPY
Vulnerability is scary, but sometimes it’s the only way to resolve our pain. That’s why therapy is such a great source of support. Let’s tackle the stigma around therapy.
This show saw T-Bose and his guest, counselling psychologist Christopher Harper, interrogate the real barriers preventing men from seeking therapy, and what prospective patients can expect before attending a therapy session. We attempted to dispel myths that perpetuate fear of therapy, and encouraged men to come face-to-face with their vulnerability.
Christopher Harper left us with the following important points:
1. Find a therapist or counsellor who you connect with, and with whom you can commit to the process of healing.
2. Going for therapy does not mean that you are failing as a man, but it means you recognise the importance of self-care.
3. Recognise that the challenges you face impact others and affect how you relate to them.
4. Your friends and family can support you, but having an impartial, professional and non-judgmental person to talk to is important if you want to make real changes.
5. Therapy is not only about dealing with the challenges that you are facing, but can also assist in making the good things in your life even better.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/824695
GENDER IN A MODERN WORLD
During this show we discussed how gender roles have become open to interpretation. How do we adapt to these new ideas?
Most of us were raised in homes that recognised traditional gender roles. From dividing chores and responsibilities equally to setting an example for our kids of how to get involved and share the load, we explored the ways in which we can slowly dismantle traditional ideas around gender in our own homes.
This episode was led by T-Bose, who gave us his three T-spoons to sum up the discussion on how to teach your children #HouseholdGenderRoles:
1. Teach by doing. Get involved, help out around the house, and divide chores equally and not by gender.
2. Assign roles. Chores should be everybody’s responsibility, so begin assigning areas of responsibility from a young age.
3. Dismantle patriarchy. Women are still doing the majority of chores and housework. It’s time to change that!
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/828010
HEALTHY BODY: EXERCISE AND NUTRITION
How do we keep our physical health good, and how do we balance this with the stress of work, family and life in general?
Whether it’s out of laziness or fear of knowing our true health status, we sometimes neglect important aspects of healthy living such as medical check-ups, going for tests and getting proper nutrition. During this episode, we explored the importance of prioritising physical health.
Personal trainer and sports conditioning coach Mandla Nhleko left us with some valuable advice when he joined T-Bose for another episode of DanUp Talks. Here are the key points he outlined:
1. Start by working out for at least 30 minutes a day, performing body weight training. If you have never done this type of training before, you can watch videos and tutorials that Nhleko shares on his YouTube channel, 365 Functional Training.
2. Nutrition is key for better overall health. Start by making small healthy choices, like eating more vegetables or cutting down on sugar and alcohol.
3. If you find it hard to train alone, find a training partner to motivate you, or call on a personal trainer such as Nhleko himself.
4. Try to find balance in your life, and use healthy methods to relieve tension instead of using abuse and physical aggression to rid yourself of stress.
5. Exercise your mind by reading and engaging in mental challenges, because body and mind go hand in hand.
Listen to the podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/831426
MEN AND MENTORSHIP
We all need a helping hand from time to time. How do we become good mentors, and who should we be looking to for guidance?
During this week’s episode, we discussed how great mentors can change lives, what it takes to be a great mentor, whether we can have mentors of the opposite sex, and how mentees can seek out their mentors to create a mutually beneficial relationship.
Entrepreneur Andile Kumalo joined T-Bose during this episode of DanUp Talks, and the two discussed the importance of having, and being, a mentor. Here are T-Bose’s 3 T-spoons:
1. Good mentors focus on character rather than competency.
2. There must be relationship between the mentor and the mentee.
3. The success of the mentorship must be linked to goals and time.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/835110
BULLYING AND PEER PRESSURE
How do we set personal boundaries and resist peer pressure? After all, bullies don’t cease to exist on the playground – they follow us into the real world too.
During this episode of DanUp Talks, with T-Bose, we touched on the realities of workplace bullying, including what to do if you’re a victim, how social media has brought workplace bullying into our social lives, and how to know if your superiors are bullying you.
This episode was led by T-Bose, who gave us his three T-spoons to sum up the discussion on how to spot a bully in the workplace:
1. Work overload. Some companies put pressure on you to work overtime or abuse their interns, and you could easily find yourself falling victim to a work overload if you don’t set boundaries.
2. Workplace bullies block opportunities for you to grow in your career, both personally and professionally.
3. Social media. Workplace bullies may even extend their treatment of beyond the workplace, with sly comments on your socials and screen grabbing your tweets to share with colleagues.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/838391
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
As men, we often feel the need to resort to violence when tempers run high. How do we build a different narrative – one of tolerance and open communication?
On this week’s episode of DanUp Talks, we discussed healthier ways to channel our emotions and deal with conflict when it arises. Violence is never the answer, but for some reason it seems to be our default setting. Counsellor Christopher Harper was back for his second appearance on the show and joined T-Bose this time to give his professional advice and weigh in on the subject of conflict resolution.
He brought up the following key points:
1. Conflict is a normal part of life and no relationship exists without it. It's ok to disagree.
2. We bring our histories into relationships – this includes the good and bad lessons we have learned, as well as the meanings we interpret from these experiences. We need to be aware of these.
3. Be empathetic so that you can tune in to what the other person is feeling, and listen beyond their words to what they are really trying to say.
4. Listen fully to the person(s) you are in conflict with, without planning a response. Let go of your own agenda and determination to ‘win’ the argument.
5. Work through issues as they arise. Don't build up a stockpile of problems.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/841705
CHALLENGES OF UNEMPLOYMENT
It’s easy to feel like we’ve failed when we fall on hard times. How do we pick up the pieces when we’re struggling to provide?
This week, T-Bose chatted to listeners and callers about the challenges of unemployment. It’s important that we remember the value we bring to our families, even when we’re struggling to make ends meet. How do we show up for one another and put our egos aside long enough to admit that we’re not coping?
This episode was led by T-Bose, who gave us his three T-spoons to sum up the discussion on how to tackle challenges of unemployment:
1. Don’t isolate yourself. Unemployment makes us feel ashamed to a point where we isolate ourselves.
2. Address the elephant in the room and be honest about the situation you are in.
3. Ask for Help. Be upfront. Don’t leave things hanging
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/848048
THE MAN-MADE HUSTLE
The hustle isn’t easy, especially in a society where the job market is becoming more and more competitive. How do we begin that journey and see it through?
During the penultimate episode of DanUp Talks, T-Bose and his guest on the show, Proverb, chatted to listeners about the difficulty of achieving society’s perception of success, and about what success truly means. How do we balance family, friends and our personal lives with the endless hustle? And when is what we have, enough?
Who could possibly be a better expert on the man-made hustle than Proverb himself? He joined us on the show during this episode, and outlined the following key thoughts:
1. No-one is solely self-made. Success comes from a combination of self and support from others.
2. Success is found in freedom and fulfilment. If you have these things, money will follow.
3. Always diversify and cast the net wide. In other words, have many different hustles you are invested in.
4. Include your family in the moves you are making. Never alienate them. They are part of your team.
5. Always have a side hustle to your main hustle.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/851799
BROTHERHOOD: FAMILY & FRIENDS
The finale of DanUp Talks dealt with the importance of keeping our loved ones close, how to be a loyal and honest friend, and how to know if you’re keeping the right company.
T-Bose was joined by Jason Goliath, who shared his own tactics for keeping a close and secure circle. How do we know when a friendship has run its course, and how do we know we’re even surrounding ourselves with the right friends to begin with? Brotherhood can be complicated, but the rewards are worth it.
The comedian, actor, presenter and businessman, Jason Goliath left us with these important key points:
1. Know who your inner circle of friends are and check in on them regularly.
2. Support is a two-way street – you get what you give.
3. Friendships are there for a reason and a season. Know when the season is done, and don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit that it is over.
4. Help those who are willing to help themselves, otherwise they’ll slow you down.
5. Be honest. Give and take criticism. Be kind always.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://iono.fm/e/854898